Thursday, August 31, 2006
DEAR UDENIA
Seeing that I received a pm with several questions and I was not given the opportunity to respond, its just going to have to go here. Simply put, I would have absolutely no need to write anything here. I always answer pm's and had you given me the opportunity, I would have responded privately. Seeing that tracker is no longer a place to post anything but fake bullshit I perhaps may have written it there and we both know were it to land in your blog it would not pass inspection.

First of all, I was not doing any bashing. Were I bashing I would have had alot more to say than "send money for my kid's 5th birthday" in a sarcastic tone and just to prove it was sarcastic I asked that money be sent for a cruise for me. I was very careful to NOT bash.

Lets move away from the original (deleted) thread. Regarding your pm - I have not changed nor have my so called "friends". Nobody has changed. Whats happened is people are getting sick of the pretension of other people its as simple as that.

Back to topic. The reason for my sarcastic remark is I saw the post as the ultimate of all trolling threads EVER!!!! The very thing that many members have been chastised for however miniscule. Yet this time the trolling was done for cash and/or gifts with a little boy with autism as the carrot dangling. You actually specified gift certificates as best - just like a wedding registration!!!! You know very well you could not go to another site, especially one with other parents dealing with the same issues and expect to be rewarded with cash or gifts. You've capitalized on this boy on a weight loss support forum.

Now if that weren't enough........your pm just floored me. You claim that you had at least 10 people email you bearing gifts but you didn't have time to answer them all individually. WTF?????? You have virtual strangers that have fallen prey into your pity trap yet you announce you don't have time to address them individually, instead you shamelessly send out a "blanket" thread to them all???? WTF? Like a mail order business?

Where is your pride? Your dignity? Did it not occur to you how people would perceive this? Or did you only care what the gullible ones who are willing to send cash/gifts thought?

We all have problems let me assure you. I cannot imagine doing something like this. I don't know if its a matter of having good manners or just common sense, I just can't imagine doing this. Maybe it is a matter of pride, I dunno.

Since nobody else has probably told you this, as your "friend" I will. You need to be told this!!!! Now get your ass moving and start addressing these generous people individually. Don't talk about yourself & all your hardships, just graciously thank them individually & privately and hope like hell this all doesn't get on their nerves. There are people out there apparently who will fall for this kind of stuff and you should grab it while its hot cuz once they catch on they are going to start sounding a little bit like me and actually get fed up.

And this is not mean people!!! I don't care if my so called "friends" comment in agreement - everyone knows this and everyone knows it had to be said. Udenia - really think about this.

posted by Tracey at 6:58 AM 10 comments links to this post

Thursday, August 10, 2006
Exercise & Me
I may have mentioned this before - I hate lunges. I did lunges on every leg day for over a year for the simple reason that I hate lunges. Finally, one day I just said fuck it, I hate lunges and I'm not doing them. And that was that.

So its been 3, maybe 4 months since I've done lunges. Yesterday I did lunges, just 3 sets of 12 - and this being the stationary kind. Well holy shit!!!!! My legs, my ass are killing me!!!!!!! Every step, I can feel it, nothing excruciating but its there and I can feel its going to be maybe a couple of days. I almost feel jubilant.

When you read "you need to switch it up, shock your body" they're not kidding. When I get back from vacation I'm going to really concentrate on doing this more and for certain I should have put in more of an effort long before now. Variety - the spice of life.

As I mentioned, leaving for vacation on Saturday for a week & a half and will be starting my cutting diet then. This particular cut is going to be hardcore as I plan on competing in September. Hope I don't forget to bring my running shoes.

posted by Tracey at 4:39 AM 8 comments links to this post
Monday, August 07, 2006
MIA.............Jim
Hello?

Hellooooooo???

You there?????

You're reading this aren't you??????

Ha, ha, I knew you'd read, you're not fooling me. You can't pull the wool over my ears.

So how we supposed to get in touch with you now?

You want to be lost?

Don't worry, when I come looking, you'll be found.

posted by Tracey at 7:38 AM 8 comments links to this post
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Not Much for Hair Pictures Here
We went away for the weekend; here's a few pictures that don't give you any idea what my hair turned out but oh well - here's as many as blogger will take.

We drove up in the sun & it proceeded to pour, & I mean pour rain & cats & dogs for a few hours once we got there. I had to include this picture because if you take a look, think about it (I took another look & you can almost see some muscle definition), here's a person concerned with their health, working out like a mad dog and smoking, yes, smoking in a downpour. Oh yeah and drinking too, barely noon hour. Only I am as gifted.


















Has anyone ever done this with the birds? Cover the kids with towels so the birds can't see their faces, put chips on the towels, birds don't care, they'll walk all over them. Funny when the kids are giggling their heads off.














Look at this poor little girl in the ill-fitting bathing suit. Nobody will play with her, nobody will wash her face or brush her hair. Just give her chips.













Wasaga is not the most ideal, very touristy, crowded, congested but its close to home, easily accessed, the lake is fairly large so doesn't seem too poluted, its warm and there are sandbars all over - the girls are laying on a sandbar which is pretty far from shore.














Oh look, here's kinda one of the hair - dirty messy, frizzy, but never mind that - look at that breast! It looks sorta big, for me, thats big. I'm impressed.














Well I'm almost out of pictures, but I will say, we sure aren't lacking pictures of the couple we went with (Steve's sister & fiance) - LOTS of pictures of them - thanks Alexis & Chloe.














The rest are just random. I'm always disappointed in pictures (of myself); there are over 150 pictures from this weekend, and for me they all pretty much suck. Everyone else takes good pictures, this has like nothing to do with ME, its the person taking the pictures. No Farrah Fawcett hair, didn't do much with the curling iron but I will.


















Thats all for now.

posted by Tracey at 5:33 AM 16 comments links to this post
Sunday, July 23, 2006
TRACEY



TRACEY

TRACEY

TRACEY

I'm back just to post something of substance. Today I have something important to say, tomorrow I might not but then again, maybe I will. It'll be along the same lines as this.

I saw the movie Failure to Launch with Sarah Jessica Parker & Mathew McConaughey. You know when you see one of those movies that absolutely changes your life???? Well this is one of them!!!!! Mind blowing.

Wanna know why???? I'm getting my hair done like hers!!! Yes, I know.........fucking riveting. I figure I couldn't do Farah Fawcett when I was 14, surely I can do this now. Now that I'm older, wiser & experienced. Fuck Farah I say.

Thank gawd for this movie. My life is changing. Either this week or next. I've a funny feeling I'm going to be prettier. Especially since my limp, fine, half frizzy, half straight hair is completely different than her thick naturally curly professionally cared for straw mane.

Thank gawd for this movie. Life is now worth living. I feel like Ed McMahon rang my doorbell.

This decision/hair dooo is going to take at least 10 lbs off me and. And at least 10 years.

Presenting...........TRACEY!!!!!!

posted by Tracey at 6:52 PM 16 comments links to this post
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Anyone Wondering How I'm Doing?
No? You're not wondering? Oh well, too bad, I'll tell you anyway.

BTW, anyone wondering what happened to the matchmaker? Yeah, me too. Oh well, enough about her, lets talk about me.

I've decided I'd like to talk about something a little different this time, a subject that I very rarely touch on - DIET & EATING. Yes I talk about many mundane subjects but never anything really interesting like whining about how & what I eat. Things have taken an interesting turn for me and boy, I didn't see this coming and its not my fault. I don't know who's fault it is but its not mine

I'm what you call a pig. Thats spelled P-I-G, or you can spell it like this: I eat whatever the fuck I want whenever the fuck I want. The colour of what I eat is brown, thats spelled B-R-O-W-N or you can spell it another way C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E, there's a lighter brown colour called P-E-A-N-U-T B-U-T-T-E-R.

This has been going on for at least a week or 2 straight. Started with PMS and I must have really enjoyed it because I just quite seem to be able to stop (te, he a little nervous laughter there). Cake, cookies, ice cream, lessee here, um everyday, no day off for like forever. And its only later in the day, say after 4 or 5PM. I've even brought some to bed with me some nights. Um, okay most all nights. This is satisfying me like sex.

Workouts have been great. You may be wondering what type of adverse effects this has had on me. Well other than psychologically there hasn't been much physically. I guess its good to know that I've at least gotten to the point where I'm physically capable of maintaining myself while being a pig which in a way is kinda exciting because while I may be large & in charge my bodyfat seems to be "visually" going down a little bit (and I mean a really really little bit) at a time. I've gotten the odd bloat but throughout the following day that mostly disappears so I guess thats okay. Thing is I really need help getting out of this!!!! I don't want to be stuck in P-I-G mode anymore. I think part of the problem is my day/routine has changed over the last week or 2. I'm painting an entire house (no, not my own) so I'm gone a good part of the day. Whats most likely the main problem is that truth be known, I really like my brown chocolate, peanut butter stuff - like alot.

I've been thinking/saying I'm going to try Hydroxycut Hardcore but haven't pinned much hope on that. What I'd really like and what I really think I should have is some chocolate covered ephedera. Never thought I'd want or need that but I'd eat it now.

What I'd like to do is put my problem out there for anyone to help me. Can anyone help me????? I'd like to loose about 10 pounds in 4 weeks. Can anyone help me. If you can, I'll make you the best chocolate cake with your choice of icing.

posted by Tracey at 5:28 AM 14 comments links to this post
Friday, July 07, 2006
Tracey Is Back........with Another House
How refreshing it is to not see Deb's big smiley face this morning. Everyone thought the last house was boring white - check this house out. Very interesting I must say, not exactly my taste but we could be very happy in this house. Its about $60K cheaper but an hour away. Very very unique, see if you agree - and don't be a Deb, look at all the pictures not just the first 2.

http://www.virtualproperties.ca/d2009/photogallery.htm

posted by Tracey at 6:37 AM 16 comments links to this post
Saturday, July 01, 2006
The Queen is Home!!!!!
Get Lost!!!! I'm home. Deb, let me tell you one thing right now - you are to read every last word here, you are to be interested, you are to like it and you are to tell all your friends you like it.

Speaking of home, I need a new home. I hate my house and I want O-U-T. I came across this house in my search and while I know everyone will say it appealed to me because it is white, this is my best "find". Okay its white but if you haven't built yourself you're bound to get somebody else's horrendous tastes whether its paint, flooring, counter tops, bathroom fixtures & heaven help you, wallpaper. Talk about getting a clean slate!!!!!!!! This house is bare but as far as a resale home, it pretty much has it all........of course needs a few changes.

Did you all know that you can fit only so many pictures on your blog? Two hours of this has taught me that. You think you were bored with Deb? Count yourselves lucky that I couldn't post all 45 of the pictures!!!!

Here it is, a little gem that with a few changes would be suiting my needs for now. Living Room & dining room, maybe some french doors, not a big deal. Biggest problem is that flooring. The carpeting they put in is new - BUT SAME WITH THE BEAUTIFUL HARDWOOD FLOORS!!!! Why they wouldn't have carried it throughout is just dumb as far as I'm concerned - dumb, dumb, dumb. A little tidbit of info the EVERYONE should know - keep your flooring constant throughtout your home; it gives the illusion of spaciousness & flow. Broken up flooring is very noticeable & abrupt and furthermore keep it constant with hardwood. That staircase is circular, that means many many spindles to paint. Every paint spindles? Pure hell!!! I've done it, I know.
















Kitchen is nice but a bit blah. My fixes? The cabinets across that one wall, left of the sink maybe should be glass front, maybe with a pale green tinge in the glass. That little credenza thingey (pic on the right) shelving/plate rack built above (for all my pretty plates). Here's a little, no BIG thing that really bugs me. See that light fixture over the kitchen table? Why the hell is it draped off from somewhere else to hang directly over the table? WTF is it doing off centre? Its obvious a table would be placed there, why wouldn't the outlet be placed in the centre? Do electricians do this on purpose? Why, why, why????? Oh yeah, that light fixture would be replaced with something dripping with sparkly crystals. Preferrably blue to match the pool. The table needs the crocheted tablecloth my gramma made me and a big vase of pale pink roses or peonies. As well all the windows need grills in them.



















The master bedroom, boring I know but it is huge with little "rooms" for closet space - enough room for a cot for Steve. The master bath is big too, can't see the other side but it has a big step up soaker tub. Buttttt..........I tell you, my eyes came to a screaching halt when I saw that, gasp, BLACK floor. Changes, changes

*WHOOPS!!! SORRY BOUT THAT TRACEY...I DELETED THE PICTURES THAT WERE HERE CUZ THE NEW PICS OF ME WOULDN'T FIT*

Laundry room - even though there were many many other pictures, had to put this one in because BONUS - they actually carried the hardwood in here - yeah you! That soup bowl size sink looks awfully useful dontcha think?




Back yard - the pool I need. Its good enough for me and will serve its purpose. The back deck needs some type of arbour built for vines & greenery to cover the horrid brick. I hate brick. There is so much brick here, I'm sick of it. Its cheap here and it shows when you drive through a neighbourhood with every house in the same brick; its made of the mud in the surrounding Toronto areas. Siding or stucco might be cheap to some but I'd take it any day, plus the colours you can get - every colour from a paint deck. I'd love a pastel blue house or mint green with wacky colour trim or front door but what does everyone choose? Beige, fucking beige, not even white. Why isn't everyone like me? If I was a billionaire I'd build a sub-division and all the houses would be the colours of Easter Eggs. Oh, & Edward Scissorhands would be the neighbourhood hairdresser.

Of course the plantings would have to change. WTF? Was there a sale on cedar trees? Buy one, get 10 free? Whats with all the cedar trees? You can't even see them all in these pictures. Cedar trees are pretty much poison to other plants, nothing will grow close to them. I'll tell you one thing for certain, if I were to buy this house there'd be a sign on the front lawn going up November 30th "FREE CHRISTMAS TREES" I'd even give them hot apple cider and a cinammon bun just to get rid of some of those Christmas trees.

*SORRY FOLKS. POOL IS CLOSED DUE TO DEB'S BLOG RENOVATIONS. COME BACK WHEN TRACEY CAN ACTUALLY FIND A HOUSE SHE CAN AFFORD*

posted by Tracey at 6:32 AM 16 comments links to this post
About Me

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Name:Tracey
Location:Oakville, Ontario, Canada

SAHM with 2 girls who wants out of the rat race & suburbia

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Links

* Deb's...Where Mean People Feel Welcomed
* Lynn's blog
* Eileen's blog
* Jim's blog
* Jennifer's blog
* Jess's blog
* Karenna's blog
* T N T
* Jamber
* Go4Steffie
* Mary's blog
* Christie's blog
* NICO
* Tai's blog
* Buffmother
* Goddessa
* Krush blog
* Karla's blog
* Connie's blog
* Supergirl's blog
* Dreamcatcher/Jennifer's blog
* Pamela's blog
* Persephone's blog

# Google News
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Previous Posts

* Exercise & Me
* MIA.............Jim
* Not Much for Hair Pictures Here
* TRACEY
* Anyone Wondering How I'm Doing?
* Tracey Is Back........with Another House
* The Queen is Home!!!!!
* Blog Update - Current Status........
* Introducing DaisyRae
* NOT SO GREAT BEING ME TODAY

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* November 2005
* December 2005
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* April 2006
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* August 2006

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WE WILL ALL NOW GET ON OUR KNEES & PRAY...
For me.

I have some new goals. By Saturday my goal is to loose 12 lbs of FAT. The remaining pound I'm going to work on between Saturday and June 1st - lottsa time. This "challenge" thingey I've been doing is week 10; so I'm calling it a wrap and chalking it up as success. Success because there is a fucking masterpiece underneath my hibernation coat but I can't get the damn coat off. I bought a chin-up bar today so once the fat is gone what will remain is a female version of Arnold. Say hello to my back - "hello Tracey's back".



















I'm starting a new program. I found it on T-Nation, I've read about it for months - reviews, questions asked & answered. I have many boyfriends there and one has taken a bit of shining to me and has helped alot, ie. suggestions as far as how I can incorporate "my home gym" into it (yeah, yeah, I'm going, I'm going to the gym). I am a bit worried about the deadlifts. I do them but the more I read the more I worry about my form, I could always just stand there in the mirror, leave the bar & weights on the floor, stick my ass out and check out my form. Form is form. Here's the link if you're interested:

http://www.t-nation.com/readTopic.do?id=459341

There's a second version which from what I've read most people go on to. I've read nothing but positive results and have seen great pics. Of course these people are far more advanced than I but I'm hoping for the best. I like this Chad Waterbury, I like all his articles and another program of his I'd consider is TBT - Total Body Training but I think I'm several months away from that. Again, if anyone is interested here's the link for that one:

http://www.t-nation.com/readTopic.do?id=508031

Good articles I think.

Now let us all fall to our knees and pray. Use rosary beads or voodoo - whatever you got, give it to me; Saturday is only 5 days away. And lets be careful with any witchcraft or voodoo you aim my way.

posted by Tracey at 6:05 PM
26 Comments:

Kim Rush 2112 said...

Whoa dude....

That is a NASTY woman/man....er uh...it.

Well, good luck to you on your endeavor. I know you can do it. You are a big inspiration for us all. :)

Somebody please tell me that's a man in a dress...check out the size of it's shoes...I'm gonna have nightmares tonight. Thanks Tracey!
9:40 PM
Lori said...

I wouldn't call that a woman. That's disgusting.

Tracey, I have no doubt you will meet your goals. I think you look great already.

Lori
9:42 PM
Teresa Miranda said...

ROFL 12 lbs of fat by saturday me & you both! ;-)

No worries your gonna do great!

T
9:50 PM
Pamela said...

Ummm... when you figure out how to lose 12lbs of FAT by Sat...CALL MEEE..I wanna do that too...Hell I'm willing to give it till Sunday even if you can tell me how to do it!! :P
Ah heck call me anywho...I need a pep talk about your new program "excitement!"
11:05 PM
Deb said...

I'm sorry...I didn't really hear what you were just saying, what with the crunching from my Apple Jacks in my head and all.

Nice dress.

Is that Steve??
11:15 PM
Tracey said...

Pam - stick with the plan; FREE DAY IS SUNDAY!!!!!!

I knew something was off with that pic - its the shoes!!!! They ARE waaaay too big or maybe male/female transition person's bodyfat is high.

Nope Deb, regrettably it is not Steve. There's gotta be a way I can get Steve into a dress like this so I can post pics - he has way better hair; I could always give him a Toni to soften the look.
4:20 AM
Steve said...

I dont wear dresses....just the occasional blouse.

That 'creature' in the blue dress looks like a shockingly bad unconvincing transvestite.

I will chant at the moon for a few days and pray to the god of fat-loss, so that you can reach your goal....mind you, I might be busy at the gym.
7:36 AM
Jim the Muscle Head said...

This post has been removed by the author.
9:35 AM
Renée said...

Ack! Where do you find these pictures?!

Good luck on your new program.
10:14 AM
bethkk said...

Scary!

I'm trying to do the same weight loss thing...need to wear a bathing suit starting Saturday! EEEK!
10:47 AM
Eileen said...

Tracey,

That second link does not work...you have too many http's in there.

That t-nation stuff scares me...sounds like a good plan and all, but it also sounds like something to make you bigger. What if I am happy with my muscle SIZE now and just want to keep it, but get rid of the blubber? I sometimes think I just need to stop reading about "programs" and get my rear end out of this chair!

I'm expecting a knowledgeable answer to this one, since you've probably read up on even more "programs" than me!

Hugz....You can do it....Go Tracey!
11:17 AM
FV Tom said...

Hello Tracey's back. Nice to meet you.

Good luck losing that pound. I know you can do it. We'll be watching for your sucess.
11:24 AM
Jennifer said...

I'm so thrilled to hear that spark and drive coming from you again! I knew you had still had that desire! I think you look fabulous already, but I know you want to FEEL it again, so I can understand that! I can feel your energy from this posting from you..and I'm just so, so HAPPY!
1:44 PM
Dub said...

I've got your back. ;-).

keep the adventure exciting,

Dub
1:58 PM
Marcelle said...

Do you actually have 12 pounds of fat to spare? You look great. I loved your comments on tracker today. Made me laugh out loud.
2:52 PM
Thisisit! AKA Bubbleb*tt said...

Hey, that's my idol you are all harshing on! She can't help her manly features... she actually sews her own clothes -- you can't beat that! And no, her name is not Steve -- its Steverana to you.
3:21 PM
CentralOhioGuy said...

Kinda weird, I think I followed a link you posted on tracker to t-nation a while ago and found a lot of cool stuff over there.

I needed something more than BFL, as it was just getting too old and I wanted to do more than just loose weight. I found Chad's programs and was immediately hooked. I decided to try ABBH and have been at it since the begining of March. I have been doing a blog as my workout log.

http://centohguy.blogspot.com/
4:46 PM
Tracey said...

marcelle - I can't figure out who you are on tracker

centralohio - I pm'd you on tracker and will follow your blog

jennifer - just call me "Sparky"

Eileen - I fixed the http you little whiner. Now lets see if I can answer your unanswerable question. I've thought about this before; the whole muscle weighs more than fat, takes less space blah blah is true but I think it applies best to overweight, completely out of shape. I think I can only do it if I apply to myself. Lets say last summer I was 15% and "X" size/measurements, so now I'm say 18-20% but regardless of weight I go down to 15% or even 13%. I truly believe I'm not going to be the same "size" I was last summer. You do get to the point where muscle grows "larger" but for us girls its slow and not painless; it takes alot of work. I can't really explain because I'm still confused and clueless but in the back of my mind more muscle = metabolism efficiency. At the same time I'm all over the map because I can swing from I'm eating too much thats why I'm not loosing weight to I'm eating too little and I've screwed my metabolism (no, no, no pig-out sessions do not factor in). So lets just say fat makes you fat; example, that lovely in the pic is not "fat". A little bigger but not much; I'll be long dead before I get "big" big and I've often thought not even steroids would work on me.

Does that answer your question? I hope not because I've just talked myself into a big knotted up mess again.

whew, lengthy without even saying anything
3:52 AM
Eileen said...

Clear as mud Tracey...

Actually I do understand...I think I have trouble wrapping my head around this stuff sometimes. For instance, you said you did GVT and you got bigger. The point of that "program" is to put on size and it seems to work, but how much do you want? Even without testosterone, surely there is still that ability to get more muscular than we (or maybe it's just me) want to be? I guess my point here is that if you're concerned about getting bigger, maybe a program designed to add significant muscle mass might do just that...get you bigger. This all gets a little mind boggling for me if I think about it too much, so instead I will stop now! Since I am eating out daily (too many contractors in and out...kitchen not fully operational) and not working out this week I really have no authority now, do I????
11:57 AM
Tracey said...

Yeah, that was a tad confusing wasn't it? Do a "volume" program, eat for it then wonder why I'm "bigger" then actually verbalize such.

Wait a minute Eileen, its all becoming clearer to me. The purpose of your comments......you think I'm too big don't you? You think I look like that thing in the blue dress don't you? You can say it ya know.
1:40 PM
Eileen said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...I do not think you are too big. You have commented a few times about working harder and harder, but getting bigger. Just thinking that maybe German VOLUME Training might be why there's more volume than you want???? I could have it all wrong...it's happened before.

You don't look anything like that thing in the blue dress...but then again, there've been no pictures for a while, soooo....HOW DO WE KNOW FOR SURE?????
3:24 PM
Tracey said...

Trust me Eileen, close to the one in the pic. Only difference is I would never wear those shoes/boats with a dress like that.
3:59 PM
Eileen said...

But then again, you NEVER show your shoes in your pictures, so how can we be sure??????
6:35 PM
Karenna said...

*Sees Tracey's back, runs in other direction, sound of large shoes clomping behind ... *
3:09 PM
jennifer said...

Hey Tracey,
I decided that I would not post a comment on your blog until you could put in a link that acually worked!...ok, kidding! Back from Cali and stopped by to get a laugh...you deliver as usual...

jennifer
PS. If you are interested in doing something out of the norm, I can tell you how to put ON 12lbs. of fat by Saturday...but it will cost you...
3:53 PM
Tracey said...

Ooooooh, so Jennifers' back is she????

You really think YOU can tell ME how to put on weight? Step back little girl. You know some people think they can eat a bit and all of a sudden they're an expert on putting on weight. Just sit down & observe.

Little update for now. Still no chin-ups; 17 years away from doing 3. I've TOUCHED many many cookies but haven't eaten one. Touching cookies can stall weight loss.
8:47 PM

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ATTENTION WALMART SHOPPERS
Walmart shoppers: management here at Walmart would like to inform you that we will no longer being selling "stuff" to the general public. We have a new shelving structure with classification put in place. The structure is as follows:

F - Full - shelves full of stuff you don't want or need for example 5' X 5' boxes of Kotex pads (pillow thickness, belt needed)

AE - Almost empty - get it while its hot

E - EMPTY - these shelves are empty, a huge gaping hole where our product should be. Examples of items in the "E" section are 35mm camera film, Tampax Tampons (please substitue for humungous comfy pillow Kotex pads), Javex, Lypsol, Mac III razor blades, garbage bags, FF cottage cheese (just eat the fat one, you're shopping at Walmart afterall), FeatherLash Mascara (get rid of that because its absolutely perfect for Tracey so why just market to one person?) and hold on to your hats......PEANUT M&M's Can you believe it????????

The other stuff I can handle (almost), it does make me want to pull a temper tantrum but the peanut M&M's????? Twice I've gone and THEY ARE NOT THERE!!!!!!!

posted by Tracey at 5:42 PM
9 Comments:

Jess said...

Walmart sucks. I hate shopping there. The aggravation of wading through crowds of rude shoppers (and their screaming children) is only outweighed by the frustration of having to get all the way to the furthest corner of the store to find that they currently don't have whatever it is I'm looking for.

I would rather shop ANYWHERE else than Walmart.
7:05 PM
Nicci said...

WalMart is the asshole of discount shopping.

And why would ANYONE not stock peanut M&M's? That's a travesty. Peanut M&M's are the only acceptable form of M&M there is, and they should be eaten by the bucketload.
9:44 PM
fitnessfreak said...

I hate WalMart! I have not shopped there in 15 years after one of their employees told me I could not live with out WalMart. I thought, watch me sucka! I shop at Target for everything you can get at Wally World. I may pay a few cents more but it is better than dealing with the rif raf in there.
9:53 PM
Tracey said...

By today this peanut M&M situation has got to be starting some riots.
9:33 AM
Janel said...

Other things in the E section at SUPERwally world recently...Ground beef of any kind, plastic utensils and disposable tablecloths of ANY KIND. And did you know that bathroom scales there are kept in the hardware section??? BRILLIANT!!!

If it wasn't 1.5 miles from my house and open 24 hours, I would never go there. But what can you do when the Target across the street closes at 10??

HATE WALMART!!!!!
11:12 AM
Steve said...

Wal-Mart (aka ASDA) is the main retailer for soylent green in the UK. It sells things masquerading as 'food' and 'meat' with the added bonus of polyester clothes.
Im no fan of large stores by any means, Walmart typifies the relentless vapid consumerism on the 21st centruary tho. That and its attention seeking cousin TESCO.
Nope, boycott them all. Keep it local!
2:29 PM
Eileen said...

Wal-Mart is like a husband...good to have, but oh so aggravating at times.

My main beef with Wal-Mart is the people who shop there for "sport." You know, the ones who bring ALL of their relatives and just spend the day there hanging out. I'm a perpetually time-crunched person and often have a screaming toddler (who wants to eat everything he sees) with me....SO GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3:24 PM
Tracey said...

Steve - is Soylent Green incorporated into your EFL? Do you know the calorie count & F/C/P ratios.
4:45 PM
Deb said...

mmmmmm I love Soylent Green. I only use it on special occasions because it tends to rot the frontal section of your brain.

There is no better a place than Walmart for staple like vaseline and spatulas.

Tracey...you're shopping for all the wrong shit there!!!
5:18 PM

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GEEEZZZZ-ASSSS
Are people born with an ass like this? Is she just another silly implant girl?

How the fuck would one acquire something like this?









Why do we get pear seeds planted in our asses instead of apple seeds? Don't tell me its gross or you wouldn't want an ass like this..........well close anyway. I think I read she's from Italy. Did I not read something a few years ago that there was a craze going on with women getting ass implants. This has got to be one of those recipients - no? From the other photos of her, she's in remarkable condition. My sexuality is hetro but I'm telling you I'd sure like to see what it feels like.

posted by Tracey at 7:24 AM

Friday, February 10, 2006
Ramblings on the Therapist's Couch

I've given more thought to the eating issues and these thoughts are in no way a conclusion, justification nor anwer to any problems. First of all there is the all so common need to fulfill oneself internally, well yeah, thats a given. Another given is the pms - is it really true we are burning more calories during this time? Here's another thing; as I mentioned I am craving different things than I have in the past. I heard a story a long time ago (I don't remember who told me this but it was very long ago and I've never forgotten this story). A small boy around 18 mos if I remember correctly, was licking the soles of shoes. When his mother brought him to the doctor he told her not to worry about it, he was lacking something as in a mineral or something, and was reacting on instinct. Sounds bizarre and no I don't know if its true. But here's just one more "weird" thing. I've never liked ham, my mom used to make ham & scalloped potatoes for Easter every year, I always hated that meal and have never really liked ham. I've bought these cute little low fat honey smoked hams for the rest of the family since there's no reason why they can't have ham. Then I tasted it - delicious; I swear I could eat one of these hams like an apple no fork & knife required. What the hell do these hams have that I want or need? So what I've done is applied this shoe story to myself. No, I doubt I am lacking sugar but I'm sure the hell lacking something and have a need to fulfill it. I will say I am hungry. I literally can't believe my eyes when I see someone write "its so much food, I can't get it all in" - well pass your plate honey and let me show you how its done.

Its been 3 or 4 weeks now alcohol free. I mentioned to Pamela that alcohol is supposed to be a depressant - I don't know. I'm certainly not missing it but my mood has been nothing short of blah, boring, blue, miserable, morbid - I'm not having fun. Just like on Friends; remember one of Monica's boyfriends "fun Bobby"? Everyone loved him, he was so much fun. Then he quit drinking - no longer fun, nobody wanted to be around him and Monica had to dump his ass. While I don't need it, I've got to wonder if it takes the edge off, something I can let my hair down with - personality in a bottle? I don't give a shit if anyone calls me an alcoholic, no I'm not in denial, no I'm not in the closet, nobody is going to stage an intervention. It didn't inhibit weight loss or fitness last year (maybe a missed workout or 2 that I made up the next day and yes some good junk food cravings in the aftermath). So far I don't see how this has helped me so I may or may not see if I can get some personality back.

There are other thoughts of "I don't care" - making myself not care then having a reason to whine & beat myself up. What a delightful individual to be around. Steve and I have actually gotten into fights about this. I'm going to spill my guts a bit. He goes on & on about how beautiful I am, how turned on he is, I always look good, after all these years he gets more & more attracted to me (gotta wonder about someone attracted to this shit, ha, ha), quit calling myself down, blah, blah, blah. He has this "nickname" for me that actually makes me cringe and have actually spitefully said to him that the "name" doesn't mean anything, its a joke, sarcasm, and I know its to make fun of me (I've got a lump in my throat and I'm actually confused just typing this). Keep in mind that he calls me this more than he calls me Tracey so it is an every day thing. Okay, here goes, gulp, its "beauty". I actually get embarassed; my sister makes fun of me, calls the house asking to speak to the beauty - very funny. Enough about this, yes I do realize my thinking & actions can cause some heavy damage on our relationship.

I've spoken to my doctor and have decided to go off the Wellbutrin (not on his recommendation, he told me wait until spring). I've also wondered if its helping me to gain weight. He told me to think about if I wanted to talk to someone which I may or may not do. These issues are my own which if I use my brain I'll be able to figure out on my own. All brains are pretty much created equal its how you use it that makes a difference. Is it not a fact that the brain is not used 100% to its full potential? Varying degrees differ from person to person so its a matter of using it properly. There's nothing wrong with my brain but there's something wrong with the way I'm using it. It is powerful and is wasting away using it in the manner in which I have been doing lately.

I've decided to reset my goals. Subconcsiously I've been using figure/fitness competitors "in season" as my ideal. Duh, its an ABNORMAL look. While I will continue to still admire such specimens, I've "fallen in love" with someone/something else. Yes, there's lots of pictures of her but thats because she's my "beauty"!!!! First thing that attracted me was no implants; I'm getting sick of implants even though I'd most likely take them were they given to me. She's close to my age & is my height & I see similarities in our body structure (except the genetically given boy bum and the exceptionally pretty face). I see her with a look that with the proper "brainset" might be more achievable and with some moderate discipline, maintained. If I was to be a replica so to speak, it would mean about a 10 lb. weight loss, 2 inches off the waist, an inch off the hips, not sure what the decrease would be in fat percentage, some bum reconfiguration and not doable, an increase to a C cup. I know that "any look" is possible, but does she not look like a more reasonable goal than Jenny Lynn, Mary Elizabeth Lado or Monica Brant?

Saturday, May 06, 2006
Twenty Five........and six
1. The number 25 represents the age I've been for the last 16 years and most likely will remain for the next 16 years.

2. I am Aquarius but wonder how much I measure up to the description of Aquarius. I really can be very shy and will over compensate for this by over talking; in a social situation I find silence awkward & it makes me uncomfortable. Same with self-confidence; its only been recently that I've shown how I am lacking in this area.

3. I have a younger sister (18 months) and younger brother (5 years). When I'm not fighting with my sister I'm in constant contact with her (thus the fighting) and my brother who lives 1,000 miles away, constantly. There is very little divorce in my family; only a couple in very extended family. I have resentment from my childhood but have very good, fun memories with both my mother's & my father's family & still get together with many of them even though they live far away.

4. I grew up with dogs only and boxers only. In my life we've had 2 boxers named Simba, 2 named Ginger and now my dad has one named Brandy (we pride ourselved on creativity with names). A boxer will forever be my favourite dog (gotta own one to know what I mean).

5. I've always hated my name Tracey but love my second name Rae. So much so its either for the love of the name or vanity that I've named my girls Alexis Rae & Chloe Rae and hope they name their own girls Rae as a second name. Also, I have several cousins with the second name Rae & could care less if we all sound inter-bred.

6. I skipped a grade in school and continued to do exceptionally poor with something like a 55% average. I finished high school at 16, went back at 17 with thoughts in my head that month of being a dental hygenist (I'd tossed the ideas of a lawyer or anthropologist - yes I think that sounds ridiculous too but its true). I received more credits than necessary for a diploma but did not receive one because at that time there were the required credits, 2 of them being pys ed which I failed 2 years in a row because they were first period, right after skating at least 2 hours and didn't feel like playing dodge ball. I would probably get one if I asked but don't have a spot in my house to hang a high school diploma.

7. I joined the army the summer after high school, was shipped to Saskatchewan, only learned how to completely take apart a rifle, clean it & re-assemble it and this is when I learned to drink to excess in which I excelled. I don't believe I was ever hated as much in my life as my platoon hated me. The brain washing worked, I did not want to return to civilian life but managed to get "over that" and never looked back.

8. I have no desire to go on any vacations other than tropical. I think the reason being is I haven't so if you haven't gone, you don't know what you're missing.

9. I grew up around some good ski areas and the first time I put skiis on I couldn't stand up in them, learnt on my own and did just fine. Same with water skiing and actually was pretty good as a summertime recreational skiier. And now I'm the same way with skating. Where once I could skate better than I could walk it is now very different. A few years ago I would have jumped; it is very clear to me that I never will again - THAT IS SO VERY OVER.

10. Another thing about skating. When I can't sleep I still go through some of my old programs in my head, I even remember some of the monotonous footwork. As the years go by I forget a little more each year and for the life of me can only remember the music from one program.

11. I've gotten over some foods that I disliked as a child but no way, now how will I ever like peas & egg yolks.

12. My collecting - bikinis, jeans, plates. The bikinis & jeans, every time a purchase is made this will be the one that looks perfect - it has never happened. I probably have no less than 100 plates.

13. I have a best friend who lives in my hometown and WITHOUT A DOUBT she has been a better friend to me than I could even come close to and we are complete opposites in just about every sense.

14. I truly should have a nose job and if anything needs augmenting it would be my lips. After rebelling against my father who told me if I plucked my eyebrows they would grow straight across, I over plucked and they've never grown back.

15. I think movies & television have influenced my morals, values & life too much. Those "feel good" movies for certain have made me naive, all people are good, bad people are in the movies. I truly cannot watch horror. Once I watched When a Stranger Calls Back in slow motion, no suspenseful music, no jumping out at you and was scared and had to look away.

16. I could believe in God & heaven with all my heart if only I could have some sort of proof. I'm very very scared to die and actually think something is going to happen by "that time" and I won't.

17. My standards have changed and I don't want much more than to own a house with a pool and a larger yard where I can plant all my mother's lillies.

18. I hate surprises, I'd rather know someone was planning on surprising me.

19. I've always been grateful that I never had a boy because I thought I'd screw him up.

20. As far as my sexual attitude is concerned, my first experience was with my first boyfriend who I truly loved. I hope my daughters have the same experience even though I was young it was healthy and I have no hang-ups from the experience albeit by some people's standards I might be boring. I've had several relationships and have never had dysfunctional sex so to speak, never been "frigid" and I truly guarantee if I was called that the fault would lie in the person speaking. I especially get the "urge" when its super hot outside.

21. My biggest goal would be true happiness where there would be nothing that would bother me or have me mull it over in my head.

22. There is nothing I appreciate more in a person than their sense of humour; how & what they laugh at is a magnet for me.

23. While I truly can admire some people's "tastes" which is not often I can't seem to get over my way is the only way and I would not enjoy being in the company of someone like me. I might not seem the type but I absolutely love frilly, sparkly, flowery, ruffley stuff so really I have no taste; plus I'm a copycat too.

24. I have never had any interest in horses but there's something about seeing a brown horse with a blonde mane & tail that "just does it for me". Same with male lions & old fashioned roses.

25. I've had a couple of experiences with "spirits" (an uncle & my mother) and have convinced myself that its all in the power of the mind.

26. This could all change tomorrow with an additional 25.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Be Prepared to be Impressed

Once again I'm contemplating going to a gym. Supposed to be going next week for a consultation and use a free month pass. WTF am I supposed to wear? This cute little number is what I've been working out in for the last year - old tank & old gitch. Nice huh?



Now for the next ensemble. After working out in one outfit & one outfit only for about 10 months I had to dig something else up as I was getting sick of washing it. Another old undershirt and these panties; who knows which cowboy left them under my bed at one time because they don't belong to Steve. At least he had the sense to wear Calvin Klein and take his cowboy boots with him - much obliged.


So which one is your favourite?

You'd think I'd just buy myself something wouldn't ya instead of literally living in these rags. But I'm so used to wearing this. No bra, who cares what I look like, so comfortable, how could I get used to "gym gear"? And how many outfits would I need? The dark blue pair of gitch I've had since I was about 20, I don't wear underwear anymore so they're so old & stretched out they should be trashed. And to bring up another point - does EVERYONE wear underwear??? I can't stand them. I'll grin & bear it with a thong if I'm wearing a dress but thats about it and still it feels so unnatural. Actually once I went thong-less with a dress; here's a story that proves my point. The reason I wear the underwear with a dress/skirt is for in case you like fall down & your feet go over your head - like that always happens right? Of course it doesn't; name one time you fell down with or without the gitch & your feet went over your head exposing yourself - NEVER! So Steve & I went to Mexico. Our flight was at about 5 AM, had to be at the airport at 3 AM so its going to be a long day. We arrive, hit the beach immediately & get into the Pina Coloda's. Shower, change for dinner. Its so frickin hot - like 115 degrees in the evening & I put on this short strapless little number, other than a bikini its the least amount of clothing I've got - forget the underwear - too damn hot. Anyway, we're in the lobby bar, we haven't made any friends yet so who would be your best friend at that moment? Well the bartender of course. We're in Mexico so lets get into the tequila. The bartender is having a riot doing shooters with us, he exclaims "be back, gonna get the good stuff, none of this sheet for my Canadian friends". Yeah, it was the good stuff alright. Like I said its been a long day and I've had many drinks & lots of the "good stuff" now too. Steve gets an employee with a golf cart to get me back to our room (it was really a long walk). Sooooooooooo, get out of the cart & woooosh, flat on my ass, legs over my head. Steve said it was like I had grabbed both ankles & did a spread-eagle for everyone's viewing. So yes, when you don't wear underwear with a dress you will fall down & spread'em for all the world to see.

There's no reason why I can't go to the gym in a pair of shorts & a tank is there? Do people notice if you always wear the same thing??? WTF am I going to do with my hair? Do I have to wear a bra? And another thing, I guess bare feet is out of the question too isn't it?
Posted by Tracey :: 7:11 PM :: 21 Comments:

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Do I Want This????
I've been envisioning myself as something that I'm not right now; thinking, thinking, thinking. Trying & trying and getting nowhere. Desire is there, knowledge there and "fat" still there. It all comes down to wanna look better, I can do this; searching for the "secret", the motivation and the day I just wake up, look back on the bed I just slept in and see 10 lbs of fat lying there.

Reason for this post - I came across this girl's blog, she's an amateur NPC competitor and she blogs regularly. Most notable is her entries leading up to her last 2 comps (lots of reading there with many many details you wouldn't even think of). You can see her "patterns" and how this all fits in with her everyday life; this one particular post I found absolutely riveting. There are others and just little remarks she makes really impacted me in several different ways. This particular one is around the big day. Read it:

There's no way for me to explain, to really communicate, how wretched this feels. It is only after absorbing every last grain of pure will in my body that I've made it through this night without literally devouring everything in the pantry. I did have an extra scoop of protein powder, I admit it. That's an extra 100 calories that I'm undecisive about how to burn.

I can't explain that it's not hunger - it's not like going on a diet and being hungry, or being stuck in a traffic jam with no food for five hours and feeling starving. It's so much worse than that. It's not even hunger like a grumbling stomach. It's every last cell in my body screaming for nourishment. It's not just being tired, or being run down or overtraining. It's not like when you get up at 4 to catch a plane and sit through layovers and run through the airport and get to your destination where they lost your reservation and finally getting to your room at 11. It's so much hideously worse than that. It's every last cell in my body begging me for recovery.

I wake up and I'm sad. I walk around and I'm angry. People in the hallway say good morning and I actually want to yell at them for speaking to me. If I get asked a question I feel put out for having to answer. It is only through summoning every social and reasoning skill that I have that I explain to myself that it's ME that has the problem and I strain to smile or at least answer politely, albeit curtly.

I feel depressed and dizzy most of the time, and to say that I'm sluggish would be a hilarious understatement. I don't laugh. I have trouble sleeping, despite the exhaustion, because I literally can't stop thinking about eating- not for the enjoyment of food, but simply for the nutrients that I haven't had in weeks. I'm completely consumed and dangerously indifferent to work. I know, it's almost here. I'm close. I can do it. Blah blah blah. I don't know if it's this hard for everyone, or if I'm just especially weak. But I can tell you with complete honestly, this feels absolutely horrible.

Can you actually imagine feeling this way? And to think I only want half of this. I only want to look half that good. She says she's watched the Food Network for hours, its like porn. She wonders if she's weak. Is it really weakness or is this the most fucked up way to live? Bigger question, just how weak am I?

Now I have to go workout.

posted by Tracey at 5:08 AM 16 comments links to this post
Thursday, April 27, 2006
I WON THE LOTTERY!!!!!!
I got my period.

I think my life can now resume as normal. Now if I get the bonus number I can loose 10 lbs a week from this Saturday.

Please leave a message at the tone.

BEEEEEEEP

posted by Tracey at 4:51 PM 6 comments links to this post
Monday, April 24, 2006
Today's Inspiration - That Would be MEEEEE!!!!!!
Yes, me. It'll probably be a frosty Friday in July when you see me post that again. What would be so inspirational about ME today? Well I'll tell you - I did one and one half unassisted pull-ups this morning; thats one and one half more than I could a few weeks ago. I'm flared like a King Cobra I tell you. Deb told me that pull-ups are psychological; I've got me a strong brain today. So I said to brain, do 2 pull-ups. Brain not that strong, maybe tomorrow.

So 3 or 4 times I managed to do the one and a half.

Then I peed my pants in excitement.

Here's another thing most interesting. I've had problems with my back for several years; actually its really damage in the hips from skating. Anyway, I guess it goes into spasms but what happens is it gets locked into a half bent over position, pulls my right hip "in" so my left is jutted out - very distorted looking and ugly, very uncomfortable & debilitating. This started last Wednesday or Thursday, could barely move or walk. I ate countless strong anti-inflammatories/muscle relaxants and today its much better but its still kind of twinging but I proceeded carefully working out and absolutely NO deadlifts or bent over rows.

So here's the strange part. I go on the internet to read about this some more, why I don't know because there's nothing I can do about it other than pop the pills (I've got 3 nice ripe whore blossoms on my face to prove I ate too many) and rest. So I read that your back can spasm into this rigidity in order to protect an existing injury, keeps everything in place so the injury can heal. Kinda makes sense I guess. Anyway, I've complained before about my shoulder (or arm or whatever) being weak. I've suffered no injury, there's no pain, there's just something wrong because it feels like it will give out. So today I'm benching (the weight is still way low because of this) and it feels completely normal. I'm probably jinxing myself by saying this but it seems fine now. So go figure.

Now I wonder if I can inspire myself to dislike all food.

posted by Tracey at 8:25 AM 12 comments links to this post
Monday, April 17, 2006
Biggest Life Changing Easter Ever
I had mentioned back in February that my dad had started a new relationship only a few months after my mom had died. To realize how utterly shocking this was you'd really have to know him. Not only was my mom's death devastating to me, my sister & brother, but the worry we had for my dad seemed to become more of an issue; we did not know how he would be able to carry on with his life, he was so devastated it was certain he would never recover.

So without rehashing the same story I had written about back in February, my dad is involved in a new relationship and he decided to drive here for us to meet her. My dad is not one to give out compliments or positive comments freely and when we had asked what she was like, the words he chose were "I think you'll be pleasantly surprised". Pleasantly surprised is completely accurate and more probably an understatement. Perhaps we were eager to like her & accept her but this woman is as close to a dream come true as you can get. In a nutshell - she is a breath of fresh air; very very personable, completely down to earth, can converse freely about any topic, very attractive, comes across as a genuinely kind person. A silly trivial example - my mom was making a quilt for me and was almost finished just before she died so it was in pieces & had to be put together. She finds it at my dad's house, goes out and purchases a special box for it to bring to me. I know, no big deal but it was like she was transporting something of the utmost value and importance. She fits right in with our family like she's always been a fixture - I could go on with the compliments, I would be hard pressed to find anything wrong with her.

Because this is all about my feelings I could easily write for hours, dissecting the relationship, making excuses as to why this happened, reassuring myself, repeating myself but will end it with a conversation I had with my dad. One night after everyone had gone to bed we sat down and drank a bottle of wine. Strangely enough he's talking to me; my dad & I have always locked horns, it is not different now and it will never change, if there's a "least favourite kid" it would be me. He's concerned he's not doing the right thing - "what do I really think"? I told him he might be many things but one thing he's always had and its a great quality is integrity. He will not do anything to jeopardize that including this situation. As an explanation, my aunt told me she spoke to someone she knows who is a therapist of some sort about my dad's situation. The outcome of that conversation led us to believe that while this relationship came awfully soon he has been grieving far longer than us. I even remember the day my mom died just my dad & I were sitting with her, he told me that this wasn't the first time this had happened - she died on him a few times before this, he'd been through it before. So he's way ahead of us in the grieving process, probably a year or 2.

So we talk about if he's doing the right thing. I'm standing there talking to him & ironically I'm standing right next to a picture of my mom. I say to him pointing at the picture "she's just a picture now & you feel guilty". Yes, pretty much. I tell him that I'm rationalizing it like my mom had a hand in this and this is what is supposed to happen. With my mom being gone our family could completely fall apart and its this woman that is going to save us. Without really saying it he tells me how he can't believe how happy he is (I know there's some major guilt there) but I know he's struggling with whether he's doing the right thing. We both agree - is she too good to be true? He's broken down a couple of times by now and the question is always there - can you find one thing wrong? No, I cannot, not even how she combs her hair. Of course we want to like her but truth be known she couldn't be more perfect.

With them now gone I've given it some more thought and I don't think I told him this that night but he is an extremely lucky man. I am going to phone him and tell him this; he needs to get over his guilt and take full advantage of his situation because the happiness I believe he feels is probably got to be one of the biggest blessings in his life given the circumstances. Going home this summer I will not be going full of anxiety and tension; I will be looking forward to it and I'm positive it will be a good time. I know this situation has taken a burden off my shoulders (worrying about my dad) but I honestly believe this is the right thing, I'm so glad they came.

Okay, I lie, there is one thing wrong - I ate & drank like a pig.

posted by Tracey at 7:22 AM 16 comments links to this post
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
TRACKER NAMES (continued from Janel's post)
Dear Deb:

When Janel brought up the tracker names on her blog it was interesting that it hadn't been brought up before now. It was mentioned that Dear Deb should be analyzing some of these names so we can have a full understanding of what these people are all about; some may be misunderstood and quite honestly that isn't fair. I admit, I'm one of them. Here's a starter list. Now Dear Deb we know you're busy with the holidays but that should work out perfectly because by the time you get around to your analysis the list should grow to a nice size and we'll understand them all.

In no particular order, lets get started:

Can'tStopMe (best start with yourself)
Flower (make me sound better, funnier & prettier than I am)
Crone
Agent69
3rdbase
Razorback68
GETHERDONE
Muscles Marinara
iwant2playoutside
6packer
Supa K
Kerry
I*Witness
bubblz7
SweetEmotion
Mellie
Muscle Head
ReesemOrtenson
h4sOr
Cake
Rod the Bod
The Arteest
The Bumbler
cookie1135 (its the 1135?)
Betmyknee
4sweetums
Robin78745
jakgaph
amkazen
Bound4lean
Crispywafers
crazy lady
foot 18
35thbirthdaychallenge
OUlinz
veggrl
ydidi
Muscle&Fatness
Ikma9
emKse
sunshinyday69
Flash
Hot Body
3D
Wimpy Momma
jglo
germansugaraddict
T~N~T
Suz2Lose
MelJ113074
sober-stud
helpdial911
Mikesexx

Okay, I'm tired. There's too many, I've missed many, there's gotta be some good ones I've missed. Now Deb, the list might be a bit challenging but I think you're up to it. You people have to add to the list.

posted by Tracey at 5:19 PM 16 comments links to this post
Friday, April 07, 2006
There's A Mouse in the HOUSE



Pour yourself a cup of coffee, you're in for the long haul. The story is endless, it did end I think but this post is chalk full of information if you're in the market for MOUSE -even rat.

Setting is January 2000 we bought our house from the builder. We're in a new devlopment in the midst of a field that was once a pig farm. I don't need to add this information but I had noticed over the years "movement" in the house like ghost movement. You'd catch it in the corner of your eye at around waiste level. I know, sounds stupid I thought so too until my SIL said she didn't like being alone here because she kept seeing this "movement" throughout the day if she was babysitting. Anyway this isn't the story, pig ghosts are no big deal - get used to it.

What we decided to do when we bought was forego all flooring, get a credit for the flooring & put it towards flooring we'd install. You should see the muck that contractors lay carpeting over!!!!!! Anyway, we put the flooring in the first level and all is well. No baseboards up yet but I grew up with way worse. My dad is a custom home builder & I don't remember living in a house they built being completely complete until we sold it to move on to the next which was almost monthly. Didn't bother me one bit a house being incomplete until..................

So the mice started to come. Zoom, zoom under the stove, around the fridge, back to the living room - there's a gap under the baseboard to the flooring ready for quarter round about 1/4" that didn't phase them. Once I saw one totally run head first, smack into the baseboard and disappear right before my very eyes UP into the cupboard. One day I had just washed the floors, no kid home to wreck it, I'm sitting back with a cup of coffee & a cigarette admiring my cleanliness from the glare of the sun and one WALKS yes WALKS right straight through the living room!!!!! This is not the worst of it. Alexis was about 4 at one time, she thinks they're cute but when one zoomed right over her feet and she freaked and I WAS COMPLETELY AT MY LIMIT I made her phone Steve at work, we're both standing on the stairs, she's stuttering "bbbbbuddds (short for buddy), you neeeed to come home right now, there's a mouse in the house and mommy said you have to come home right now and get the mouse out of the house". Reason I mention this is that Steve has saved this message on his voice mail all these years and we still listen to it.

Okay now we're in the thick of it. Steve buys 2 traps, catches 2. The mice continue. We argue. I phone an exterminator. Steve's not paying - its just some mice, don't worry about it. Two more mice caught. Same mice keep running through the house. I phone exterminator again. Now the information starts to flow - to sum it up, they're field mice, we've moved into their home, they've probably been in the house since they closed it in, they have their own food supply (they were'nt in the cupboards at all - I know for sure), a healthy female with a food supply will produce 8 litters of 10 or 10 litters of 8, can't remember but the number is 80 in their very first year of life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay all kinds of advice from the nice guy who's giving it but does Steve listen? NOOOOOOO he's gonna catch'em. Catches 2 more okay I've got him he says as it that is the end of them. WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE!!!!!! We're arguing - no Steve forget it, will you forget it, he says I know it was him, I know I got him. I'm screaming (this is not a joke anymore) - why Steve, why, why why would we be the only house with FUCKING GAY MICE?????? I swear he doesn't clue in - they're reproducing in droves.

Fast forward a bit more. Its one summer - I've lost track of what year because this is our life, I'm on the phone with my mom ranting & raving "no mom, this is not a normal mouse problem, I'm not being dramatic - THEY ARE EVEYWHERE!!!!!" then I say oh my gawd mom you're not going to believe this - there's a tiny mouse right in front of the door on the patio with only 3 legs!!!!!! We're both incredulous, she tells me to go get Steve up - 'kay thanks mom thats exactly what I should do". Summation - no lie, Steve caught 27 that weekend. The mouse with "3" legs actually had 4 but was so young it could not walk & it was tucked under him. That weekend there were various "sizes/ages" of various litters.

And we'll move on even further. The mouse problem is pretty much under control, neighbours are saying as much. I garden quite a bit and take pride in my plants but moreso in my soil. I don't much notice at first but there are some deep holes along the foundation of the garage - perhaps some poor drainage problems, foundation settling, retarded roses depleting the soil???? Steve thinks we have a ground hog, goffer, whatever. Shoves the garden hose down the hole and the water does not come back, hmmmmm - thats a deep hole. I should spend some time explaining Steve's fascination with this crap but it infuriates me so much I can't. He has spent hour upon hour examining, playing animal games with the hole and by now its completely intrigued him. Finally he says he sees beady black eyes. Well eureka. He's on a roll, goes out and buys 3 bear traps of some sort, "I'm gonna catch me a possum" sort of thing. Sets them and goes golfing. Comes home, checks his traps and we've got 3 humungous RATS!!!!!! Well if I don't blow my fucking lid. I'm ready to burn the house to the ground. I can barely type in remembrance because he tells me "he got'em". He uses his "bedder juggement" and follows the hole. He ends up taring the stairs out under the back door. You wouldn't believe what was in there - everything from the bones of ever meal we'd eaten the last 2 years to a "Thanks for the Hospitality" note. At this point I think & I tell him he really needs to fuck off. Of course I phone the exterminator. Same thing, 8 litters of 10/10 litters of 8 = 80 fucking rats a year. Then he got one in the front of the house. What I learned from the exterminator was yes rats will burrow but only along side a foundation. This time I actually researched - and alot, its true everything I was told turned out to be true with everything I found on the internet - healthy female (rats & mice) = 80 a year. You think you see one or 2 forgettaboutit. Rats will definately burrow along a foundation - they will not, say, in the middle of a field. Need an exterminator or ask me. I'll have advice for you (like lay the poison in your attics) , I'd be reluctant with the advice of "playing the game with peanut butter", this is true, especially for those smart fucking fuckers - they'll see the dead guy in the trap with the peanut butter, associate the peanut butter with the dead mouse and walk around him & peanut butter for the rest of their lives. I've seen it all trust me.

Talked to the neighbours, post is getting too long to share all their stories too. I call the Ministry of Health & explain the situation. She tells me that its not a health concern as its on public property. A health concern???? Yeah I know I'm older than you but the plagues created by these creatures have wiped out entire populations at one time, scientists are still studying it, it has been determined that rats will outwhit, outlive mankind and they're standing in my backyard sticking their tongue out giving me na, na na na, na, na, nanoo and you have no concern? She says we have no way of determining whether they're infectious or not. I tell her fine I'll pack the little mo'fuckers up and plunk them on her desk and she can let me know how they've tested. She's done. So Steve packed up a pack and left them on our local member of parlaiment's doorstep for testing. Like I said, we've got some neighbour stories, I think I've gone on long enough, I think they're gone. I started parking in the front, once I saw a rat the size of a cat slink right under the front door prohibiting me from entering the home (I have to add this in - Deb that was one of those rare occasions I had a cell phone and you're damn right I phoned Steve - come home and get your non producing one gay rat in the whole fucking world that lives at our house OUT - NOW!!!!!! - cell phone very very useful at that time). I need to calm down, you need to realize how much we argued about "thats it I got them all".

He (Steve the stupid *$##*%)%) finally gave them a teensy weensy bit of poison (I am sooooooo sick of their games), the holes clogged up and he pulled the patio stones up and there they were right under where I sun tan!!!!!

Don't, don't, don't ever ever complain to me about a mouse in the house. So I've laughed, its not funny. If you've got a story that can top this it had better be good but like I told Deb (& Steve) you need to just shut up about it, its not a small problem. And don't go instigating with one of your stories so I can say "oh, and another time........" I will out top you with any mouse/rat story EVER - this is where I live! You haven't heard the half of it. Show me some respect - I want to see zero comments!!!!!!! If you feel the need to "relate" it had better be bettter than this. And people wonder why I'm not normal.

posted by Tracey at 8:26 PM 21 comments links to this post
Thursday, April 06, 2006
TODAY ONLY - "POOR TRACEY"
This is my rant and I bluddy well deserve it. I HAVE JUST ABOUT HAD IT!!!!

True to the trend of the last few months for all of us I've had a problem with focus & discipline. So bad sometimes that it was "I don't care, I want it, I'm eating it" but we're not talking every hour of every day, just a day here & there, not a week at a time or 2. Okay so now I'm scrambling, took me a week or so but now my mindset is fine - I'm doing this, not a problem. Going on about 3 weeks now, good eating, keeping track, food selection & ratios are excellent (at least this is one thing I know). I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not one of those people that drops a pound a week. I'm not doing anything wrong, thats just the way it is.

I don't know how to work all these numbers out and I really don't give a shit because I know I'm not loosing anything. Nonetheless I created a fake profile on tracker to see what my "gains" have been since last summer. I based it on the measurements from my profile of last August and put myself at 16% BF (a guess so could be wrong) and current stats. What it gave me was a gain of 5.2 lbs. of muscle and 5.8 lbs. of fat; even if the numbers are a bit off its pretty close as I played around with it a bit - I could even go 4 & 7 (God please let it not be that) respectively and its still not that bad. Its not like I'm looking to loose 20 lbs of fat. Depending on how you look at it not too good and not too bad. Why the hell can't my fucked up body loose a couple of pounds of fat???? Unless I'm totally retarded (and anyone can jump in here) I'm not doing that bad. I've worked out my caloric intake from BFFM and these are the averages:

Low days - 1555 to 1667 cal
High days - 2000 cal
Optimal - 1777 to 1888 cal

I AM WELL WITHIN THESE RANGES!!!!! Yeah, of course I've had a few cheats (weekend "cheat day") but NOTHING compared to some of my historical proportions of the past and from what I can see mathematically I'm still creating a deficit. In the last couple of months my weight has risen consistently - one pound at a time. PMS bloat is pretty much gone and I've been handsomely rewarded with a loss of one measely fucking pound!!!!!!! Three weeks of good eating, pms bloat gone and I get a pound - I know that pound is strictly water. So okay, I've made some muscle gain as I can see it but the fat will not budge. Accumeasure calipers are in the cupboard, I'm terrified of them both psychologically and physically - I will not forget the last hive episode from them anytime soon. I'm committing myself to stocking up on calamine and doing it this weekend.

I've got alot more frustration bottled up in me but I'll save it and take it out on my family, this is enough for now. I know why people get eating disorders; how can you be so in control as I am now and not see any damn change??? I know its only been 3 weeks but c'mon, you can see change in 3 weeks of going in the opposite direction - no one could disagree. I didn't have to type all this, all I had to say was right now I am really really pissed off!!! I'll religiously go & do my workout now, eat even better today and watch the scale go up a pound tomorrow morning and the only explanation I'll get is because I'm getting on the scale too much. It can't get much worse than this.

FYI - you won't come here again anytime soon and find me this pissed off.

posted by Tracey at 4:18 AM 17 comments links to this post
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Bernice's MIL''s Sister's Best Friend Casserole
I am freaking starving and once again I am preparing the dinner meal for my family. Once they're done I'll eat a scrumptuous salad & chicken breast number 14,937,287.

Just let me clarify - I do like to cook, I do know how to cook and I know this because I've been complimented by people I know and people I don't know (yes, I'm pretty wonderful). I want to share this recipe because it actually sounds like a joke. I saw it several years ago in a cooking magazine where they claimed that the most fussiest eater will eat it & love it. People wrote in & it got rave reviews, they couldn't believe how good it was. I actually laughed - like why would they print this & who would make it? Me I guess. Like I said, it sounds like a joke but here it is:

Bernice's MIL''s Sister's Best Friend Casserole

1 lb ground beef
1 can Campbell's Tomato Soup
Pasta (I use Scoobi Doo's)
grated cheddar
THATS IT!!!! Okay you can salt & pepper the meat - no seasoning

Yes I know, Bernice's MIL's Sister's Best Friend lives in a trailer park. Who gives a rat's ass - this shit is fantastic!!! You think its going to taste just like it sounds - it doesn't, I don't know why. It takes on a life of its own when you want good old fashioned comfort food. According to the mag you have to put it in the casserole dish in this order for it to taste great (WTF?). 1. ground beef, 2. pasta, 3. tomato soup, stir completely with a bit of cheddar & then top with grated cheddar, bake 350 about half an hour (no cover) or till it looks "done".

Trust me on this one; of course the kids love it. Randy the ex who grew up on his momma's homemade pasta & sauce even loved it and never missed an opportunity to say how good it was. Stevejust saw me making it and said "ooooooohhhh, thats what you're making, I like that dish".

Now as for me.............. I'm not eating this fucking crap.

posted by Tracey at 4:34 AM 17 comments links to this post
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Update: GOALS
Set some realistic goals for myself so we'll take a look at progress:

# of pounds lost: 0

# of chin-ups: 0

Days late TOM: 2

Goals for the week: lobotomy

Hopes & dreams for today:

Testing

Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I Forget...........
I'm getting old or older or something. But my eyes haven't started to go or my hearing. The hearing is fine; if I don't hear something its probably better I didn't hear it anyway for whatever reason.

But this forgetfulness is going to get me in trouble. If alcohol were involved, thats fine but its not. I've noticed in the last several months I'll ask a person a question, they answer and then I have to tell them that I haven't a clue as to what they just said, say it again. Or I'm involved in a conversation, I am listening, then have to say "hang on, hang on, start again, what are you talking about". I'm not thinking about something else, thats just it, my mind seems blank I guess.

Here's an annoying one. Driving in the car, flicking through the radio stations looking for something I want to listen to. Driving, driving then find myself getting super annoyed, agitated or something. Whats the problem? I'll realize I've left the station on a chinese station or some kind of wailing pakastani music. Then I get real annoyed like "fuck shut..........UPPPPP already. Then a few minutes later I'll do the same thing. Thats when I think "I am REALLY getting on my nerves!!!!!!" I think I pretty much do this everyday.

I think I'm starting to get embarassed about it too. I'm constantly apologizing, explaining all the while, I know that people are giving me the sideways look "whats up with Tracey? Its 8:45 AM; has she been drinking?" and if they're not thinking that I'm wondering if they're starting to pity me because they're sensing the onset of my senility. I think I'll totally flip out if I start seeing that or they start gently dabbing at the drool dripping out of my mouth.


Here's a short list of my symptoms:

- I've realized "living in the past" is kinda fun.

- I've peeeeed my pants; twice I think, if it was more, I forgot. Once from sheer excitement and another time when Steve was chasing me around the island in the kitchen and he actually caught me and we're not talking a "little accident" this is a complete bladder empty right on the floor - both times. If THAT is not a complete turn-on then I don't know what is.

- The other night I think I fell asleep sitting UP watching TV.

- Sometimes when I do things, ie. put clothes in the washer/dryer, taking dishes out of the diswasher I'm actually counting them in my head (maybe just maybe this is due to counting reps?).

- I talk about grocery prices; except doing this with my grandmother can send me right over the deep end so I know I'm not THAT old yet.

- I've forgotten what I'm talking about; in the middle of saying something and my voice just screeches to a halt, just blank, the end, no idea what I was talking about.

- Anyone ever wondered why I've kept that stupid "Flower" name? Because I remember it from days gone by, thats why.

- This one drives me COMPLETELY NUTS!!!! I remember telephone numbers, bank accounts, but some peoples birthday I can't. For example my grandmother's is it the 15th or 16th? I ask every year, my mom's 6th or 8th? Randy's (my ex, and I need it alot plus we talk all the time so I do the birthday thing, um 2 days of it I guess) he thinks I'm kidding when after 14 years or so I've got to say is it the 11th or 12th "c'mon, c'mon just tell me" he's gotten to the point of saying "forget it Trace, figure it out for yourself". Ask me right now! I'm being honest when I say I STILL DON'T KNOW when these people's birthdays are, everyone else I remember.

I've forgotten my other symptoms so maybe I'll just come back here daily and add to them at my leisure.

One thing I do wish I could FORGET is that I told my auntie Eileen about this blog; now she's going to be watching my every move, the old coot. But then again she just had a real old birthday on Saturday and with her age she's probably forgotten about this anyway because she's waaaaaay older than me, bahaaahaaaahaaa. I hope she sees this. I'm going to tell her its Dayna, not me.

posted by Tracey at 5:11 AM 15 comments links to this post
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Define TRUE Love
EDIT - I just finished writing this and I'm a little teary; would just one person read this whole thing through? Just one.

I've been carrying around a little (HUGE) bombshell that was dropped on me about a week ago - I'm dropping it here. Its ironic too because I just read Steff's blog about love. Is there such a thing as true love? I read some article just the other day that scientist's "latest studies" have shown that real "true" love lasts about a year - MAX! I rarely write about anything of any significance here (as we all know & read). I blubbered out the stuff about my mom dying back in October when I started this blogging and that was true and sincere but there hasn't been much written here of any importance. This post will be the same; for me, its serious.

Its a "love" story so to speak, but then again, you be the judge.

This is about my parents but I have to give a bit of background and you can't tell a 42 year old story in one page. Its a long story so I wonder just how much of it will be read. My parents were in high school, Grade 10 to be exact. Story goes, my mom was one of those popular "it" girls, head cheerleader, voted most popular, best legs, best dancer that kind of crap they did in those days. My dad was "star" football player and had a very promising hockey career. They get pregnant at 17 with their most prized posession (that would be me) and get married. So there they are, teenagers, a grade 10 education and bawling me. My mom went from dance queen to teen mother & housewife and my dad went to work, played semi-pro hockey for a few years and I guess couldn't hold on to his dreams anymore. By the time they were 23 they had 3 kids and youth was a thing of the past. They had their share of problems - finding themselves going from young love to the real world. Most of you know the figure skating became all of our lives; it literally took over. They had relationship problems if my memory serves me. My dad bought a book on how to build houses, built a nice home for us and then up and quite his job with another older man and now they're "custom home builders".

We lived in nice homes but moved alot; between public school & high school I went to about 8 different schools. Through all this we're skating night & day and they're paying for it. I didn't know until I was an adult just how much they were paying for it. My mom told me about how many mortgages they had, electricity being cut off while we were at school, borrowing money to get it back on before we got home, sending us to school and not knowing what we were going to eat for supper, apparently it was pretty bad. You'd never know this though. In the meantime my brother has started hockey and they're travelling for him too.

The skating in alot of ways with my dad was shit. I know now the financial burden my dad carried but he stopped coming to the rink claiming he didn't want to see yet another one of my coach's new fur coats that "he'd paid for". Never ever once did he say anything positive about the skating, it was constant criticism - I mean constant. He told us once upon being introduced to someone that they knew his name because "oh, you're the guy with those figure skating girls". That had to have made him proud - a little bit. But nope, not a word of praise.

I'm getting off track here. The only reason I mention this is because I think its a huge part of their love story. Fast forward, they've got 2 girls that skipped a grade, very promising skating careers and at about 14 or 15 we're full swing in the party scene. I found my first "true" love at 15 and he was a small time drug dealer and there's lots of fun to be had there. So there they are not even 35 and life for them was probably sheer hell.

I asked my mom after my sister and I had moved to Toronto and my brother was playing Junior "A" hockey in another city if she regretted how her life had gone, didn't she feel like she'd missed out???? She said no, I'm 40 years old I've got all you kids out of my hair, your dad and I are finally financially secure, OUR LIVES ARE JUST STARTING!!!!! Well okay, so be it. I know life was shit for many of those years but heh, if this is what you want, fine.

So my dad's business has really picked up and my mom's involved. He needs her and she needs him (him moreso). Over all these years my dad has carried some bitterness and it shows. He's cold, cynical, sarcastic, plenty miserable, does not show any affection (yes I got the customary hug hello & goodbye sometimes tighter than others). To this day when we speak I'm about 10 or 12 years old with the emotional intellect to prove it, he sees this and never misses a beat to tell me to act my age. This is the type of relationship we've got. Are you picking up on the guilt I'm carrying?

Anywaaaaaayyyyyssss, through all their trials and tribulations I never ever heard them once speak of splitting up. They were in it together and boy did they stick together. The few times they were apart were the times only my mom travelled with us for skating; made sense, he had to work but they wouldn't even go anywhere without the other. Stuck together like glue. They settled into middle aged years together bickering. There's so many other things I can get into but we've got to move on.

So my mom gets sick. They're scared; really scared. Like alot of couples one can survive alone better than the other - that would be my mom. I knew my dad wasn't going to take this well at all and he didn't (more gory details might be back in October's blogging but I'm not going back there right now). He was devastated. It got to the point where I wasn't even thinking about my mom dying, all my focus was on him. Sitting here just thinking about it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. The night before I left to come home we had a huge fight; we're both crying and screaming. He was so fucking mean and even though I knew emotions were running so high it was just awful. He even got me to understand in some way that even though I'd lost my mother who no matter what was always my friend what he'd lost was far far more. I told him I understood, he freaked right out saying that no, no, no I could NEVER understand the loss. I saw the loss in him, in some ways seeing this was more heartbreaking than loosing my mom. One thing is for certain, he loved my mom so much, I could see him dying right before my eyes. He told me to go home, DO NOT call him, he'll call me; he told me this pointing his finger in my face and I actually think I saw some kind of hate or maybe it was heartbreak, I don't know but he sure the hell didn't want me then. Thats how I left.

When I got home I saw that he'd called. WTF???? Its not that we don't talk but he's never called. I think he did once when he wanted me to check out a car he wanted to buy. In an hour he'd called 3 times (I found out later, yup he'd had to get my number from my brother). So we patched things up.

So we've talked many times since then, its brief but thats okay, its normal. Then he calls to say happy birthday. First of all he's saved my number well thats good, second I don't believe he's ever called to say happy birthday I'd talk to him because my mom called to say happy birthday, third I didn't think he knew when my birthday was (remember I said he doesn't even know how old I am, he thinks I'm 10 or 12 and if there's anyone that would have had an impact on his life it would have been me because I changed it for good when I was born), and fourth he's 2 days late!!!!!! He kinda chuckles and says well he was out of town. I ask him out of town - where? Where do you think he says. Well my mom & dad used to drive to the states for the weekend ALOT, that was their little outing/weekend getaways, boring but thats what they did. I felt so sad, sick, depressed. What that must have felt like.

The next night my sister calls; its bed time, me & Steve are watching TV in bed and I'm annoyed, she knows not to call. She says I'd better sit down for what she has to tell me. Something's up - WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG????? Tracey, sorry to call so late, why don't we talk in the morning? YOU TELL ME NOW, RIGHT NOW DAYNA - WHATS WRONG????? If Dayna would have told me that my grandmother died or my dad I think I would have been more prepared. "Dad met someone" Whaaaaaaaaattttt???? I lost it and I mean lost it. Steve starts trying to comfort me, I think I hit him with the phone, Dayna says let me talk to Steve, I whipped the phone at Steve.

Then.......I calm down. I find myself with this sense of relief I think it was. I'm confused but I'm thinking I'm feeling relief, something has "lifted" off me or something. But the betrayal or whatever it was just happened 10 minutes ago. Later I talk more with Dayna, she tells me he's being very open and honest about this. Should I call? I call him that night. He is very open and honest, we talked about things that would have no importance here or to anyone but us. He tells me that my mom and him had talked about some things, said she was very clear on 3 things: that he was not to move in with my grandmother, he was not to go home and drink and look at the lake for the rest of his life, and last if an opportunity came along he was to take it and move on with his life. My dad is a very proud man and he seems to have some kind of honour about him. He may have his faults but they certainly don't lie in dignity or being an asshole (thats only for his family, okay that was mean but its true). He does not make stupid decisions, do anything "flighty" and anyone and everyone that meets him or knows him has nothing but respect for him (this is true). This latest stint would be way out of character as in no way, no how, uh-uh, no, no, no.

My mom died October 20th, thats 4 months ago! He wants this kept between the 4 of us for now. Well yeah, I know why. My aunts (my mom's sisters) are so devastated for my dad, you'r poor dad, how's he doing? Whats going to happen to him? This new woman was hired to come into their house a couple of times a month to do some basic cleaning for my dad. I can picture what I think happened. My mom's stuff left lying where it sat, nobody moved anything, I remember eating supper with her sewing machine sitting next to my plate. She asked questions, he gave a bit, she asked another question and it went from there. I asked my dad what she was like and as per his usual, not very complimentary replied with "I think you'll be very pleasantly surprised". My brother met her, she's apparently very pretty (his words -she's quite an attractive woman), very nice and has great teeth and a great smile.

When I've talked to my dad he seems different; somehow with some reserved excitement or something, honest and optimistic. My sister has had some good conversations with him too. There's so so much more I can go on about but this writing has to stop somewhere.

People naturally put their dearly departed up on a pedestal after they're gone. My mom's no different, not that she wasn't great before but she's taken on a new life for me. Going back to what I wrote back in October I believe I wrote something like "nobody can save him or help him but her". Well I can put my OWN fairy tale spin on this story. I picture this woman walking up the driveway and my mom plodding, pushing her along "go on, go on, its okay" and my dad opening the door to this nice pretty woman with the great smile "hello" she says, and my mom in her matter of fact voice says "there you go Jerry". There has always been a riff with my dad and us. When my mom was dying I know this bothered her and she said as much. Dayna and I wonder if this woman just might change all our lives. One thing I can say about my mom, she might have been basic, if anyone remembers my pigeon story (?) - I'd say "a PIGEON mom, c'mon?" I can hear her now "well thats the best I can do" and laughing "and what the hell is wrong with a pigeon, there's nothing wrong with a pigeon". Again, this up on the pedestal thing; but this is the truth, whenever she did something it was always right, whenever she said something she was always right and yes I've accused her of setting a standard so high that I have to struggle to meet it. If she had a "hand" in this it could very well save our family and she knows this. So thank you mommy if you sent her, I love you and we'll never forget you.......ever. Oh and mom, one more thing, if she wrecks your lillies I'll fix her clock, not to worry.

posted by Tracey at 3:32 AM 20 comments links to this post
Thursday, February 23, 2006
A Spade Is a Spade
This may be a controversial subject for some, some may be offended while some may have some feathers ruffled and yet some may stand in agreement.

I came across this on bodybuilding.com - its actually a direct link from a tracker member (their homepage).

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/trans25.htm

More importantly, these are the comments that went along with it:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=518316

(Am I the only person on planet earth that can't make addresses clickable - why don't I know how to do this arrrgh!!!!!!)

There's a reason I'm dredging this up again; its purely to examine myself, my own goals, my beliefs, my common sense and my so called "BFL Journey".

I bought the book and brought it into work to photocopy the blank workout pages. I waited for my boss to come in so I could sit at his desk and brag about my new project. Coversation went something like this:

me: wanna see what I'm gonna do

Ed: what now?

me: 12 weeks Ed, this is what I'm gonna look like; Janice is going to be sooo jealous (Janice is his wife and is in tip top condition plus a few years older than me)

I open the book and show him the before & afters.

Ed: (laughing) Tracey, get the fuck out of my office with that bullshit

me: its not bullshit Ed, instead of shooting off your big mouth why don't you take a look at it (Ed's out of shape)

Ed: you know Tracey I thought you had a bit more sense than to fall for this kind of advertising - did you get the ab roller yet?

me: oh shaddup Ed, you're such a bitch, you know what, you're going to be that old man that all the kids through crab apples at

He yells at me some more, tells me he's not paying me for this crap, get back to work, get something done around here for a change, blah, blah (you may think he's an asshole; he can be but I just laugh). I'm back at my desk, then "Tracey, bring me that stupid book". Sensing some kind of enthusiasm, I sit down for our chat. He tells me to get the hell back to my desk, do something he can actually pay me for and to just leave it with him. After awhile,

Ed: Tracey - get in here (I come eagerly) - look at these heads

me: whats wrong?

Ed: they're all out of wack, they're out of proportion

me now getting pissed: WTF are you talking about now?

He starts measuring; won't get into it detail by detail but sure enough he's measured everyone, for example, one guy's head was the size from his chin to his naval, arm length, whatever, there were several. So we sat and talked about it. He did admit that it looked like a good solid program but you're not going to look like a photoshop picture. Gave him my up & down look and left it with a "yeah, well we'll see about that". We'll skip the boring details of how hard I worked and all that but no, I didn't get the advertised results. Trust me when I say THATS OKAY, I didn't need that or set out to win a million.

After seeing some of these comments coming from whom I'm assuming some are more experienced bodybuilders than myself or people on tracker (that is by no means an insult) I just feel the need to say something like "told ya so". My bitchy cynical self brought this up (subtly???) on tracker. I know nobody wanted to hear that shit that I was saying. I do believe people are more genetically inclined than others but this one just didn't sit right with me - ever. I have no idea why. I questioned it and questioned it, then I questioned myself questioning it. I even received the most upbeat pm from this person with somewhat of a diet/exercise breakdown (which looked like it was cut & pasted straight from the article above) and should I need ANY guidance, advice, encouragement, "I'm here for ya man" send a pm anytime, oh and don't forget to have a "rockin BFL day". Well I just let it go summing it up to I'm just cynical and negative. Along comes averiesmommy (Cheryl Muir); I just about went through the roof. How the hell did she do that???? For some reason I never questioned her transformation, I guess she came across as genuine and "believable" - would that be the word? Her transformation was certainly no less dramatic thats for sure. So now I start questioning myself with the focus, determination, discipline, intensity the whole thing; still in the back of my mind that one "awesome" transformation just isn't flying - why?

This little blurb I just typed serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever. If there is a point to be made (and this would be directed at me only) BFL was probably the most important thing I've ever started - but it is just that - a start. My hope is that as time goes on any new BB program will become more important than the last. The advertisements served their purpose too, they worked, even though I do question some of them. I remember initially starting this and explaining to an acquaintance the basics of the program she said "6 reps? what are you supposed to get out of that" and I remember answering "I guess what you put into it".

And hey, if you have an opinion on what I just wrote but don't think I'll like it, say it anyway, I'm not going to argue but would appreciate & respect the honesty is all.

posted by Tracey at 5:07 PM 24 comments links to this post
Monday, February 20, 2006
One More Pussy Post
This is Maurice.

I'm more of a dog person than a cat person. We had a cat Oscar that looked very similar to him. Oscar for some reason fell totally in love with me. He was for my girls but we all knew that really he was my cat. He died this time last year (long story).

Steve and the girls found him at the local Humane Society and they gave him the name Maurice. We can't come up with any other names that there is no arguement about so it looks like Maurice it will be. He was picked up as a stray. He's micro-chipped but somehow the chip wasn't traceable and nobody claimed him. He's about 4 years old and has been declawed (why?????). We got him Saturday and he's supposedly my birthday present.

Since he's been "home" its like he's always lived here. He's perfectly calm, purrs as soon as you look at him, he's a bit pompous and snooty, but seems quite calm and gentle. So far he fits in with us perfectly. How could anyone not have come to claim this beautiful cat????? Well now he's ours and we're glad to have him.

AND LOOK HOW NICELY HE MATCHES MY HOUSE - ITS A PERFECT MATCH!!! MEOW....












posted by Tracey at 7:32 PM 18 comments links to this post
PUNISHMENT
Well if there's ever been a post of mine that will carry too much information, this will be it. For various reasons we've all gone through "dry spells" with sex haven't we? Do you want to know what my PUNISHMENT is for this?????? Urinary Tract Infection!!!!!!! Every damn time!!!!!!! I've spoken to other people about this and they will concur. Its not that I'm holding out; its just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. Why the need to be punished for it?????

As soon as everything's back on schedule I'm no longer punished. Can anyone relate to this???? I'll go to the doctor and get that look "oh I see you've been fucked pretty good this weekend Tracey?" Yeah, yeah, yeah, just give me the damn pills & shuddup about it.

posted by Tracey at 6:40 AM 10 comments links to this post
Thursday, February 16, 2006
TRACKER BLASPHEMY
WARNING: R-rated, opinionated, warped/cuckoo (?), critical, whiny post.

People have asked what happened on tracker the other day; what was it that I said. What happened was as we all know, tracker gets the r-rated category. Mellie shows up with tassles on her breasts (why do I envision her with bright red lipstick smeared all over her face?). Within ONE minute she's called out Moggie on the "fuck them" thread. No big deal, Moggie can fight her own battles just fine. Within a couple of minutes I'm irritated as hell. She's like a damn pinball machine - just continuous "ding, ding, ding". If you're not playing the pinball game the constant monotonous ding ding can drive you nuts, it just doesn't sound fun - would somebody please pull that fucking dinging plug!!!!!!!!

Somehow I saw this as senseless on Mellie's part. She doesn't just ease into this slowly nope, just splat, she's there. The Webmaster steps in and Mellie goes to the "cracking the whip" thread with "I love a man that takes control of two women fighting! Assertiveness is a HUGE turn on! What else do you want me to do? =P" then immediately follows that with "Come on, show of hands...who else likes it rough? =)". In the meantime (and afterwards and after that) there's all the other drivel.

By now you all probably know me just as well as Mellie and are aware that my filtration system from brain to mouth (or keyboard) is defunct at times and I immediately jump on that one with something to the effect of "you want to see a show of hands? How about one middle finger - here's mine, can we see everyone else's middle finger?" I go on to tell her she's annoying as hell and she needs to CALM THE FUCK DOWN, she's acting like a complete idiot and the Mellie, agent, lawyer, freakshow with their post after post of senselessness drone has me embarassed for them, muster up some class at least and a bit of whit or personality so we can at least be entertained, stop acting like a rabid dog, she just REALLY NEEDS TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN once & for all.

I do know I was wrong in what I did, just shut up & ignore her. But like an immature kid all I can say in my best whine is "but, but its true". And I don't really care if anyone disagrees I KNOW WHAT I SAID IS TRUE and thats that. So as I said there, I sat & waited for my PM from the WM - pop - there it is right on schedule. Basically it was tsk, tsk, oh Flower, very bad, should have pm'd her, all which I knew of course. Because its tracker and because I knew I should be above this shit I did go back to delete it but as the WM said, he did it for me which was fine because Mellie saw it and that was what was important. Why was it important? Oh, who the hell knows; if Mellie can spew her shit so can I. Lo & behold Mellie packed up her profile & out she went because she "can't have any fun around here". What people made out of my "sorry Mellie" I don't know nor do I care; I just thought it was the MOST IDIOTIC thing I could say at the moment. And really what I was trying to do was be an idiot. I think it was about 2 hours after the "sorreeeeeyyyyy Mellieeeeeeee" she was back with tassles swinging, fresh bright red lipstick applied & a "g-string only baby, g-string only" and they were all back in the mud. I posted on her shave thread just for the hell of it; I don't know if I'd say "she's all over it" but its like nothing happened, tassles definately a-swingin, both guns blazing. I now know I need to stay away from her. She will get me worked up and what really bugs me is that I am getting worked up. What the end result will be is me looking like just as bit of an idiot will it not? Why does it always sound like a lie when someone says "but I really don't care". I really DON'T care. She just makes me feel like a manipulative cat playing cat-n-mouse just for the sake of playing cat-n-mouse. I'm not a hungry cat, don't want to eat the mouse, just bat it around for awhile.

Anyway, for those of you that think I am being mean, I really am not for the most part and truly believe people should just live & let live. Maybe I'm unfair??? I don't care who you are, what you are as long as you're likeable I like you; but............I live in Tracey's world. Who knows, with stuff like this post I may end up coming across as a Mellie #2.

This is how I see a Mellie party.

Finally, I can now say Mellie is entertaining me.

Thank you ebaumsworld for capturing Mellie in her own realm.







Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know (rolling my eyes)..........but I just had to put these in before someone told me to grow up & act my age. THATS IT!!!!!! NO MORE!!!!!! From now on, I declare, I will be mature damnit!!!!!

posted by Tracey at 3:32 AM 32 comments links to this post


Sunday, February 12, 2006
THE FUNNIEST SHOE EVER - A MUST READ!!!!!!
I must say I don't believe I have ever read anything on the computer as funny as this. I go to T-Nation every now & then and those folks can be a bit harsh. I don't know if this guy was serious or not but he posts this picture asking what guess would be his bodyfat.



Regardless of whether he was serious or not, the slew of comments & pictures that came with that first post had me laughing so hard I had to stop reading at certain points. Here's just a couple of examples; people went absolutely crazy with this post. Honestly, if you like sarcastic humour you've got to read this. I HAVE NEVER EVER READ ANYTHING THIS FUNNY ON THE COMPUTER EVER!!!!!!!!!




The things people came up with over this one damn shoe is probably the most creative humour I've seen in a long time. It is lengthy but take the time to go through all the pages - ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!!! I wish I could take some credit for contributing to this.

Here's the address:

http://www.t-nation.com/readTopic.do?id=868493


EDIT: Had to add some more examples; these people should spend less time bodybuilding and focus on their comedy.

After pages & pages of ridiculous comments the guy finally came back with "enough already". This is what he gets in response:





The comments just keep coming & coming; this guy writes "What in blazes is my bodyfat?"














I stress - a definate must read.

EDIT - one more time......

Had to add just one more - whats Steve's BF%?????????




posted by Tracey at 7:59 AM 20 comments links to this post


Friday, February 10, 2006
Ramblings on the Therapist's Couch
I've given more thought to the eating issues and these thoughts are in no way a conclusion, justification nor anwer to any problems. First of all there is the all so common need to fulfill oneself internally, well yeah, thats a given. Another given is the pms - is it really true we are burning more calories during this time? Here's another thing; as I mentioned I am craving different things than I have in the past. I heard a story a long time ago (I don't remember who told me this but it was very long ago and I've never forgotten this story). A small boy around 18 mos if I remember correctly, was licking the soles of shoes. When his mother brought him to the doctor he told her not to worry about it, he was lacking something as in a mineral or something, and was reacting on instinct. Sounds bizarre and no I don't know if its true. But here's just one more "weird" thing. I've never liked ham, my mom used to make ham & scalloped potatoes for Easter every year, I always hated that meal and have never really liked ham. I've bought these cute little low fat honey smoked hams for the rest of the family since there's no reason why they can't have ham. Then I tasted it - delicious; I swear I could eat one of these hams like an apple no fork & knife required. What the hell do these hams have that I want or need? So what I've done is applied this shoe story to myself. No, I doubt I am lacking sugar but I'm sure the hell lacking something and have a need to fulfill it. I will say I am hungry. I literally can't believe my eyes when I see someone write "its so much food, I can't get it all in" - well pass your plate honey and let me show you how its done.

Its been 3 or 4 weeks now alcohol free. I mentioned to Pamela that alcohol is supposed to be a depressant - I don't know. I'm certainly not missing it but my mood has been nothing short of blah, boring, blue, miserable, morbid - I'm not having fun. Just like on Friends; remember one of Monica's boyfriends "fun Bobby"? Everyone loved him, he was so much fun. Then he quit drinking - no longer fun, nobody wanted to be around him and Monica had to dump his ass. While I don't need it, I've got to wonder if it takes the edge off, something I can let my hair down with - personality in a bottle? I don't give a shit if anyone calls me an alcoholic, no I'm not in denial, no I'm not in the closet, nobody is going to stage an intervention. It didn't inhibit weight loss or fitness last year (maybe a missed workout or 2 that I made up the next day and yes some good junk food cravings in the aftermath). So far I don't see how this has helped me so I may or may not see if I can get some personality back.

There are other thoughts of "I don't care" - making myself not care then having a reason to whine & beat myself up. What a delightful individual to be around. Steve and I have actually gotten into fights about this. I'm going to spill my guts a bit. He goes on & on about how beautiful I am, how turned on he is, I always look good, after all these years he gets more & more attracted to me (gotta wonder about someone attracted to this shit, ha, ha), quit calling myself down, blah, blah, blah. He has this "nickname" for me that actually makes me cringe and have actually spitefully said to him that the "name" doesn't mean anything, its a joke, sarcasm, and I know its to make fun of me (I've got a lump in my throat and I'm actually confused just typing this). Keep in mind that he calls me this more than he calls me Tracey so it is an every day thing. Okay, here goes, gulp, its "beauty". I actually get embarassed; my sister makes fun of me, calls the house asking to speak to the beauty - very funny. Enough about this, yes I do realize my thinking & actions can cause some heavy damage on our relationship.

I've spoken to my doctor and have decided to go off the Wellbutrin (not on his recommendation, he told me wait until spring). I've also wondered if its helping me to gain weight. He told me to think about if I wanted to talk to someone which I may or may not do. These issues are my own which if I use my brain I'll be able to figure out on my own. All brains are pretty much created equal its how you use it that makes a difference. Is it not a fact that the brain is not used 100% to its full potential? Varying degrees differ from person to person so its a matter of using it properly. There's nothing wrong with my brain but there's something wrong with the way I'm using it. It is powerful and is wasting away using it in the manner in which I have been doing lately.

I've decided to reset my goals. Subconcsiously I've been using figure/fitness competitors "in season" as my ideal. Duh, its an ABNORMAL look. While I will continue to still admire such specimens, I've "fallen in love" with someone/something else. Yes, there's lots of pictures of her but thats because she's my "beauty"!!!! First thing that attracted me was no implants; I'm getting sick of implants even though I'd most likely take them were they given to me. She's close to my age & is my height & I see similarities in our body structure (except the genetically given boy bum and the exceptionally pretty face). I see her with a look that with the proper "brainset" might be more achievable and with some moderate discipline, maintained. If I was to be a replica so to speak, it would mean about a 10 lb. weight loss, 2 inches off the waist, an inch off the hips, not sure what the decrease would be in fat percentage, some bum reconfiguration and not doable, an increase to a C cup. I know that "any look" is possible, but does she not look like a more reasonable goal than Jenny Lynn, Mary Elizabeth Lado or Monica Brant?






Afterthought: these ramblings are just that - ramblings that are all over the place. No sense in trying to make it a smooth flowing story just get it out and move on from this shit.

posted by Tracey at 3:09 AM 15 comments links to this post
Monday, February 06, 2006
Bi-Polar Screw Up is What I Am!!!!!!!!!
I'm in a bad way. There's your warning; if you continue to read don't blame me for being in a downer mood. Everything is fucked. I decided this weekend that the reason I'm eating is to totally screw myself so that I have a reason for failing. I'll explain further - see if I do my absolute "best" and I still don't think I'm a success well then that would make me a complete failure. So if I eat myself into blubbery I can say I didn't succeed because I screwed up. Everyone talks about life's ups & downs but I'm telling you, you don't want to be where I am right now. I'm sad, lonely, depressed, hungry, tired, lazy, unmotivated but when I exercise it is in a flurry and with a passion I've never known. No matter what, I still will not miss a workout. I'm getting bigger/fatter everyday.

I don't understand the eating. This time last year if I wanted to pig out it would be something like pasta or chicken wings with blue cheese, ribeye steak with garlic bread/cheese & ceasar salad not chocolate, ice cream, cookies, avocados, peanut butter. I've never been a cookie eater!!!!! I've gone back to reading again and I'm in a state because the weeks I am eating good I can't figure out if my calories are too low, too high, protein too high - ratios are usually about 20F/30C/50 calories 1400 - 1700.

It just seems like I'm always pissed off at myself. The guilt is overwhelming and I wonder if I'm just going to crash and say the hell with everything. Everyone seems so on track and I just got to wonder why I haven't slipped into this comfortably like everyone else and can't help but wonder if this past year has been all for nothing.

SWITCH TO THE OTHER SIDE

Now there is something I'm very happy about. I came across some information about exercise bands. From what I've read they are the most wonderful workout you can get. Seems that according to this guy you can't get any better workout than this. I'd love to get any of your opinions if you have the time to read it, here's the address:

http://www.leeapperson.com/cables/

Right now I'm pretty excited about this; I really liked what this guy had to say. If it does what he claims it does I think it may be exactly what I need right now. My 25th (gag) birthday is soon and I told Steve what I want is that contraption I got for Christmas taken apart and returned and I want these things. He told me "sure no problem" and this is what he plopped in front of me.















Any words of wisdom, encouragement, secrets to success, or just a simple shuddup, quit your whining & get back to work would be much appreciated.

posted by Tracey at 5:33 PM 11 comments links to this post
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Only Because I have absolutely NOTHING to Say
Check out how abnormal I am - the last one. Freaking SCARY!!!!!! If you ever have the opportunity to meet me - DON'T!!!!! If you recognize me walking down the street cross the street even if a streetcar is coming!!! If you live in the same city as me apply for a restraining order promptly after reading this. And for God's sake, if I have your phone number and you don't have call screening - GET IT NOW!!!!!!!

Your Hillbilly Name Is...

Ellie Mae Rambler
Hillbilly Name Generator


Your Blog Should Be Orange

Your writing has a star quality - it's charming, bold, and flamboyant.
You write what's on your mind, without fear of embarrassment later.
You are one of the most honest bloggers around, and people appreciate your daring persona.
What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?
What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as driven and ambitious.

Overall, your true self is moody and dynamic.

With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.

In love, you seem intelligent and a bit intimidating.

In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.
What Do People Think Of Your Face?



You Are An Invisible Ex

You're so over your ex, you hardly even remember you have an ex
You prefer leave all of the baggage behind you - far, far behind
As they say, indifference is the opposite of love!
What Type of Ex Are You?


You Are 48% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.

You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.
How Abnormal Are You?

posted by Tracey at 4:02 PM 10 comments links to this post
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Colour Me Idiotic
I had to copy this; the html code wouldn't work. The only reason I bothered to post this was BECAUSE IT WAS SO DAMN TRUE!!!!!!!! I'm actually quite surprised! Plus I did it twice & it came out the same.

Tracey's Existing Situation

Working to create for herself a firm foundation on which to erect a secure, comfortable, and problem-free future, in which she will be granted respect and recognition.


Tracey's Stress Sources

Unfulfilled hopes have led to uncertainty and apprehension. Needs to feel secure and to avoid any further disappointment, and fears being passed over or losing standings and prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads her to make exaggerated demands and to refuse to make reasonable compromises.


Tracey's Restrained Characteristics

Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.
Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity, but tries to avoid conflict.


Tracey's Desired Objective

Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feeling into which she can blend. Responsive to anything esthetic and tasteful.


Tracey's Actual Problem

Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of her hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. She is trying to escape from this into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, protecting her from dissatisfaction and lack of appreciation.

posted by Tracey at 8:27 AM 3 comments links to this post
About Me

My Photo
Name:Tracey
Location:Oakville, Ontario, Canada

SAHM with 2 girls who wants out of the rat race & suburbia

View my complete profile
Links

o Lynn's blog
o Eileen's blog
o Jim's blog
o Jennifer's blog
o Jess's blog
o Karenna's blog
o T N T
o Jamber
o Go4Steffie
o Mary's blog
o Christie's blog
o NICO
o Tai's blog
o Buffmother
o Goddessa
o Krush blog
o Karla's blog
o Connie's blog
o Supergirl's blog
o Dreamcatcher/Jennifer's blog
o Pamela's blog
o Persephone's blog
Previous Posts
o Tracey Is Back........with Another House
o WHY WHY WHY!!!
o The results are in!!!!
o The Queen is Home!!!!!
o Weekend Leave...
o It's Time
o Poor Tracey....
o Whooowee Baby
o ALRIIIIIGHTY!!!
o Blog Update - Current Status........
Archives
o October 2005
o November 2005
o December 2005
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o July 2006

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